This, my friend, is what I consider to be an excellent beginning to something much larger :)

if i may:
- the "banter-as-dialogue" format that's been in previous stories is gone, making these two gents actually seem a) like people and b) like friends
- the use of $5 words is a lot better here, because the dialogue is supposed to be frome dayse gonee bye
- the story gets to the punch without dallying in (imho) dead-end tangents

it could do with maybe some polishing (i.e. i see at least one comma i'd remove), but i like it and would enjoy reading more :)

Goals while writing: Fill in far less of the story myself, leave more open, use somewhat more natural language, both in the narrative and dialogue (though in this specific case, that involved a bit of looking up), and so forth.

In addition, kindly point out this wayward comma, good sir!

I like the story but the timeframe poses some problems. This takes place in 1939 (1869 + 70). It all feels rather friendly and whimsical for a tale that takes place during the height of the Blitz.

Although I do want to hear more now, considering that a working time machine in WW2 logically leads itself to timeline-altering scenarios.

You have a very fair point there. I could move the date, of course, a good 10 years back. I'd like to leave the 'send-back' time as 1869, and the difference in years a round, solid number. I'd also have to change the play they went to, and I quite liked referencing T.S. Eliot's The Family Reunion ;)

ah, the date. to be honest, i didn't even do the math. it feels more like a story set before the 30's to me personally. much before. might be an idea to leave all references to dates out altogether if you can. would avoid wondering how these people stayed so jovial during the blitz ;)

"Last week we went to the theater [sic], to see The Family Reunion, and in general, it was a fine night."

i would remove the comma after "theater" (and in this case [sic] as well), to get:

"Last week we went to the theater [sic] to see The Family Reunion, and in general, it was a fine night."

keeping the comma there really inserts quite an unnatural pause in my head when i read this sentence. very possibly my own sense of style however :)

The lack of proper capitalization! It burnsss ussssss!

@narling - agreed and done.
@Belph - agreed :P

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to work on a mobile version of woodworcks so I can view it easily on my phone ;)

thought I'd join in the comment party, I love a good story :)
This would make a great intro to a longer story, it makes the reader want more which is really good :)
a couple of pointers I have:
- What's isnt a correct contraction, you would have to write it full out: what has
- Again, you've would be better as: you have

I would also beware of mixing modern dialogue with 'old' dialogue. I gather this is meant to be set some time ago :) And you add some nice 'traditional' ways of speaking to make that clear but then you also use the word grin, which doesnt quite fit the time context.

One other thing I would suggest (but this is just my personal writing preference/style) is to add more descriptions of facial expressions. People tend to glance over things like 'he said softly' because they read fast, but if you add that same mood description in a description of facial expression then the reader picks up on the mood of the speaker/conversation more easily.

But altogether, good stuff! :)

Whew, that's some good stuff :)

The contraction 'you've' doesn't strike me as odd, personally, but 'what's' to denote 'what has' is a personal affectation that I may need to shed. The use of the word 'grin' doesn't seem to be a problem to me, though, as I'm sure people grinned back then as well. If you could enlighten me as to why grin would be out of place, that would be much appreciated :)

What you said about moods/facial expressions is definitely something I'll keep in mind!

Thanks for reading!

Personally I feel that, now that the reference to a specific time period is gone, using anachronistic speech is quite suitable. Mixing older expressions and newer ones keeps you off balance and unsure of when this story takes place. To me that enhances the "lost in time" aspect.

Thats very true and that does add something to the story. I was more thinking along the lines of if you want to place the story in a particular time frame. I read a lot of Victorian novels and early 20th century novels and the word grin isnt a common word in those stories :)
but as Belph pointed out perhaps it keeps it more interesting to mix the dialogue up a bit to keep the reader guessing.
and you've is perhaps a matter of personal taste. When I write I try to avoid as many contractions as possible because I feel it's border-line between informal dialogue speech appropriate in stories and street slang inappropriate in most stories. But I also like to keep things as close to the 'proper' way of writing as possible and that isnt necessarily the best way to do it for everyone :)